Hey kids, I'm Back! I know it's been a looooong time! Well finding the time and the energy to write since I went back to work has been tough. A LOT has happened in the 6 months I've been gone.....I am not even sure where to begin and god knows that I don't want this to be an extremely long blog either. So I guess I will give y'all the highlights.....
1) Went back to work in January, got re-trained so that was nice to ease in and not be on the phones right away.....(I'll write more about this later)
2) Remember the ex-fiance who came to visit me in September? After declaring undying love, etc....well he remarried his last ex-wife within 6 months of that visit. Nice huh? Sure made me feel like I didn't matter, he could have married anyone.....sad to feel as though I wasn't as special as he led me to believe. Oh well, life goes on and obviously proved to me that I made the right choice in not marrying him in the first place.
3) Found out some interesting things about one of my kids, sorry that I can't share....but let's just say that I was shocked but at the same time hurt that it took so long for my kid to tell me.
3) Have permanent houseguests. Thankfully they are helping with the rent now.
4) Still having money issues, surprise. But then again I had a lot of catching up to do and I now have a car payment, traded in my SUV for a smaller car. So that is nice.
5) Gave my youngest son who is living with me an ultimatum. Get your diploma and get a job by November or he's gonna have to join the military or something. I am planning on moving at the beginning of the year so something has to change, I can't afford to support so many people mostly by myself. Everyone pays a portion of the rent, but I pay for everything else. Thankfully the friends of my son's who live here get their own groceries so I don't have to worry about that.
5) Found out that one of the girls in my re-training class took off for about the same amount of time that I did and for the same reasons almost. We even have the same psychiatrist so that was really interesting. We have gotten together a few times to talk about everything, we both have the same issues about the calls and disability and everything like that.
So I think that covers a lot. Not everything I'm sure, in fact I know it doesn't......had some deaths in the family as well and took too much time off from work so I am on my final written notice, next time I call in I will get fired. Nice, huh? But here is an even funnier thing. I was #1 on my team and got an award for it a couple of months ago. I am still a high performer at my job. I take a Klonopin every day before I start. I am always on time and I do a very good job while I'm there. They've changed a lot of things there and some are good and some, not so good. But thankfully I am on a great team and my manager has helped me a lot. He is a great guy and doesn't put any pressure on us and yet all of us perform very well. If they try to take me off of his team I will fight it. I've made a couple of new friends on the team as well, we are the same ages and get a long great. We are a lot alike in many ways. So that has been positive. Like I said in my last post those many months ago, I am trying to focus on the positive in my life. It is hard sometimes. I am thankful to still be seeing the same therapist. He and my psychiatrist are both EXTREMELY surprised that I have been doing as well as I have. But some of it is falling apart because of my inability to go to work the way I need to. My manager tried to help me by letting me know that I could apply for FMLA leave to where I would get a couple of days off a month without issue. Unfortunately, although my doctor filled everything out I was not able to get it because I was out for so long that I have to build up my hours. So it will probably be January or February before I can get enough hours to do that. I just hope I can last.
I made sure to schedule my vacation days so that I get a 4 day weekend around every other month. So that is a good thing I think. It helps. I am going to have to have a showdown with my depression and fight the hell out of it to keep me at work every day. I NEED to keep this job and right now it is almost impossible to do if I can't get it together. I mean, I literally fight with myself every day almost about going to work. It is really bad. Then the way they have it there, you might as well call in sick for a week than just one day, it all counts the same against you. So they make it really hard to go back. So anyway, we will see....I HAVE to go!!!!
In a few weeks I will meet up with my girls for a concert up north. I have friends coming from out of town and out of state., I can't wait to see them. I am really embarrassed because I have gained about 50 pounds at least since I saw them last. But I am trying to not let that interfere with having a good time. I plan on forgetting that and just enjoying myself. It is sad, they want me to come up the day before the show but I can't because of work so I am basically going to only see them for the day and then come back home the next day. I hopefully will be able to pack a hell of a lot of fun into that small amount of time. Trying to get the money together to go is hard enough, but at least I already paid for my ticket and we have front row center seats! I haven't seen the guys in the band for like 2 years so that will be cool as well. They haven't seen me in forever so they probably won't even know who I am, especially since I've gained so much weight! But I am going to just be me and have fun!!!! I need it and I deserve it. So depression, we are going to have a showdown at high noon and you will LOSE!!!!!
Oh yeah and in case anyone is interested.....I am working on a book, so many different ideas in my head.....at least I have ideas right? It is hard to find the time to write, it truly is.....but I am determined to so this!!!! See ya next time....and I promise I won't wait near as long this time.....
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