How Much Trauma is Too Much Trauma?

Finally got to watch the Swedish film version of "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo". I've read all three of the books in the Stieg Larsson triology and am thrilled that they are all coming to the big screen and in this case DVD. Of course you'd be lucky to see these on the big screen as you have to live in or near a major city to do so, which I don't. So I was content to watch the movie adaptation on DVD in Swedish in English subtitles. An American version is in the planning stages, but at this point I am not sure how good it could be when stacked up to this film. Especially if they go with Twilight "star" Kristen Stewart...nothing personal but I don't think KStew has the acting chops for a role such as this.

 Watching this film was difficult for me as I knew the rape scene in the book mirrored my own in many ways and that made me sit on my couch with my hands fisted beside me. I thank god that the scene was not quite as graphic as the book, but the emotion and pain were still there for the character and for me. I saw myself and it wasn't pleasant. Although I found great satisfaction in her revenge on her rapist. And thankfully the scene was expected so I wasn't surprised.

The thread throughout all of the books is the character of Lisbeth Salander. She is a very young woman who has been through much trauma in her life that has made her seem hard and tough. It is a theme throughout the book. She seems so tough and you have the man who is now closest to her, a reporter name Mikael Blomkvist, still in awe of her. It is obvious to him that she is very smart yet she never shares any of her life with him. I think he looks at her as a fragile little bird that is also fierce and will attack you if you get too close. He wants to know her.

This DVD as well portrays very little about her private life other than her latest trauma that she endures by the hands of her rapist, a man in authority over her life, as well as a brief glimpse of her setting fire to a man (read the books to find out who) and a visit to her mother at the end. It takes the next two books to truly understand the character and how the trauma she has endured has shaped her the way that it has. It is amazing that she is alive after all she has been through. She is tough because she has to be. But like everything else when you are tough, it is hard to let the good in, to trust.

We are all the sum of our experiences, good and bad. Most of us have some form of loss or disappointment or "hard time" that we've been through. So many of us have experienced a lack of nurturing or have been in relationships that have defined our lives. Some of us have had trauma after trauma. At some point you have to ask...how much is too much? Does it depend on the person? I know that my doctor asked me again yesterday, "How did you survive all of this?". The one thing that came to my mind was my children. I tried to give them as good of a life as I could, I failed of course....who can have a good life in a situation like that? But it was better than it could have been. My doctor has told me that I had to be a very strong person to survive and continue to go on with life with all that I have been through. It is only now catching up to me, which is why I am committed to therapy to get the person back that I was before all of this. Impossible to get the naive young woman back, but maybe the less cynical one is there somewhere. One who can be a little more trusting.

I also discussed with him how in my head I know that so many others have been through more than I have, but yet I know that it doesn't diminish what I have been though myself. I have known that for a long time. And like he said, there is always someone who has been through more. But again, that doesn't erase what has happened to me.
 
We also discussed the fact that I have a hard time letting go of people who have hurt me and aren't good for me. I have a problem in that I look at others and think that they are like me so I figure they would be as honest and truthful as I am. Well I have now seen how much that is true. I have someone that bullied me online and because we are supposed to be "friends" I give him the benefit of the doubt. But the fact that he reminds me so very much of my ex is causing me, aided by my therapist, to realize that this relationship is not good for me. Dr. H asked me why I didn't drop him from my friends list and I said I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He said that he probably wouldn't be hurt, I would be hurt if someone did that to me, but judging by the way this guy was treating me I have come to the conclusion that he would be more mad than hurt. In fact hurt probably wouldn't even enter into the equation. My doctor has left it to me to make the decision, he made that very clear. I had to think about it and I realized that all this guy has done is made me feel like crap and try to bully me just like my ex used to do. I don't need that in my life, I got rid of that a long time ago. So.....he will be leaving my friends list soon. My decision. It is time to speak up for myself and get rid of those in my life who do not have respect for me. I am not a bad person and I deserve some respect. I am kind and I never intentionally hurt anyone. So I deserve to be surrounded by people like myself and that is my plan.

I don't need anymore trauma and believe me, trauma comes in all shapes and sizes.

Again. I strongly recommend the Stieg Larsson triology of books as well as the films. I can't wait until the other films come out on DVD, I am on it!

Here are previews of all of the films for you.....If you want to read the books, which I recommend....on the right hand side is the Amazon links, I have all of the books on there. That is where I get all of my books! :-)

Give these a watch.....

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo


The Girl Who Played With Fire
 

The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets Nest