I was already thinking about selling my car, an SUV, as it was, I was looking for something smaller...but it has back due registration, the air conditioner doesn't work ($800 to fix), and the windshield has a big crack in it (at the bottom, thankfully). Anyway, my son's friends sister asked my son if I wanted to sell my car yesterday or the day before. Now her boyfriend who lives with her is a mechanic so she had no problem with the issues and she knew about the registration. So I thought about it and after my daughter called me telling me that the last thing we fixed on it yesterday STILL didn't fix the problem I said "YES!". Well my son just informed me that she no longer wants to buy the car. Seems she got into trouble at work today so I am assuming that she is worried about her job now. Anyway, she said that she no longer wants to buy it. Now, do I believe this? I don't know, I guess prior experience has made me skeptical. One thing I DO know is that I have had people ask me in the past if I wanted to sell my car (whichever one I had at the time) and the same thing has happened to my kids about their cars. People sound interested and they ask....then when you take them up on it, all of a sudden they have every excuse in the book for why they can't. Hey people if you are interested, say "Let me know if you ever want to sell your car, can't guarantee that I'll buy it but ask me first OK?". Now THAT is the way to do it. Not act all interested and tell someone that you want to buy their car and then as soon as they say OK...say oh no I can't....That is just not right. I'm not saying this is the case here....just saying that it is an experience I'm familiar with.
So now I am really in a bad situation, more so than before. My daughter's car is still broken and she needs to get to school and work. I am supposed to go back to work the first couple of days of January....now how am I going to get there....great, just great. It just seems like I can't catch a break! It's just one thing after another after another.....DAMMIT! I really don't know what I am going to do in the short term not to mention the long term. I mean the car's air conditioning already doesn't work. I was originally thinking of selling it just for that reason alone....but I would keep it if I had to but I can't afford even the smallest car repair right now. My son paid for some of the recent repair and my daughter paid for some of the last repair. It is only fair since she is the one driving it. But she can't keep paying for this and I can't...so I don't know what I am going to do now....
I just truly don't know how many more setbacks I can handle. I mean in the scheme of things this isn't so bad...IF I WAS WORKING! But with only living off of disability and food stamps (a whole $37 worth of those!) I am barely surviving as it is....to try to fix the car too???? Like I said, if I was working it wouldn't be so bad. I mean one of the parts is like $40, if it another part then I am looking at almost $200, which I pray it isn't that! But I have no way of knowing until we put the part in. Not like you can take these parts back either....*sigh*
You know what is sad? I was finally working myself into another mode, preparing to go back to work....trying to find a way to deal with that....then I was looking into trying to fix some of the financial messes I've gotten into since being on disability. So I was going in the right direction....I am trying so damn hard and I feel like no matter how hard I try the fates are conspiring against me. I mean karma is kicking my ass from years ago. My hormones are NOT helping my depression either. I figured out some ways to deal with some of these issues. But when you get to a certain point....it's like I just want to give up!!!!! I have been through much worse things, don't get me wrong....I am just much more vulnerable now that I've been breaking down my walls in therapy. Makes me begin to wonder if it's worth it. Sometimes I wonder if my mother used to cry when she was dealing with this kind of stuff. I don't really remember her ever crying about anything, maybe she cried when her dad died....She just never showed that kind of thing to me. Maybe she cried to my dad....although I never heard her cry. I saw her depressed A LOT. Always deep in thought. My mom spent most of her days, when she wasn't actually doing some chore or errand or volunteer work, she would be pacing in the house, in the kitchen, listening to the radio and drinking a beer. She would nurse that beer for HOURS. She was an unusual alcoholic in that she didn't get drunk. She drank every single day, but never got drunk. It is really weird. She was still a great mom considering all of the abuse she suffered as a child. She always tried her best with me. I never, ever doubted that she loved me. Of that I will forever be grateful.
Well I think that is enough for now....just got off of the phone with my son who seems convinced that I can still sell my car to someone on Craig's List....umm I doubt it....even I wouldn't buy my car. It is a great car, don't get me wrong....but with not knowing what the problem is and knowing that the AC doesn't work, the registration is behind, AND the windshield is cracked....ummm nope, wouldn't buy it. But my son did say that he will buy me a new fuel filter and we will see if that is the problem. It is the last "cheap" thing we can try.....I hope that is it.....*sigh*
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