My son had to withdraw his offer of my youngest daughter and I living in his big house. He said his wife isn't down with that. Now, I love my daughter-in-law and truthfully I'm not taking it personally. I think that she's just had enough of other people living in the house with them. Especially my older daughter who they had some issues with, actually a lot of issues with. So I can't blame her for not wanting to "go there". I truly was not leaning that way, I hate to give up my space. But it was nice to know it was an option if things got too bad. Now, well I don't think I have too many options. I need to make this work somehow. The issue is being on disability. With the PTSD both of my doctors do not believe I can, nor should, go back to my previous job. So what do I do. I'm selling stuff on eBay and still trying to deal with my PTSD at the same time and the illness gets in the way a lot.
I spoke to my therapist the other day and I told him that I was going to have to go back to work, whether I liked it or not. I am in danger of losing my storage right now, seriously. And if I can't pay back one of my bank accounts for the money that I am overdrawn, I will be in serious trouble and will probably lose my job on that basis alone. It is so frustrating. If the insurance company was more interested in my health than in their profits, well this would be a very different situation. By not approving my being paid for my disability they are in fact adding more stress to an already stressful situation. I mean they approved my disability, which means they agree that I'm disabled, right? But they don't want to pay for it, they say I CAN go back to work. Makes no sense. I am not sure what I am going to do. I still have to write the letter to them appealing their decision. I truly don't think they will change their mind, nor does my therapist. But I have to try. It is just such a fine line. If you write a good letter, they think that you should have no problem working, I mean obviously your mind is functioning. Of course they don't understand that this is not the problem. Flashbacks and panic attacks with the stress is the problem. I can't freak out on a call and do my job. Duh!
I was shaking the other day when I spoke to Dr. H about the calls I get. I told him that I just wanted to throw the phone across the room. He asked me how long I thought I'd make it if I went back and I said, maybe a month. He said he didn't think I'd last more than an hour or two. Wow. So my job, before I see Dr. H on Tuesday, is to update my resume and think as I'm updating it, about this job and what the worst part is. Somehow I am supposed to wrangle it down to one thing. Don't think I can do that. We are still talking about the EMDR, he wants to see if we can fit it into my therapy. Especially if I am determined to go back to work at this job. Do I want to? Hell no. The thought makes me get anxious and want to jump out a window.
Not a good thing I'd say. I am also looking at jobs available in my area to see if there is a better fit somewhere else. Doctors orders. So far, no real luck. But it is hard when I have no way to get to work and right now I need new tires for my car that my daughter is driving. I am seriously probably going to sell my car as I've looked into the blue book on it. My daughter has thrashed it and it just isn't nice anymore. I want to get a new one for myself that only I will drive!
My youngest son is finally trying to get a job. He was told to come in today and talk to the manager and get interviewed. Of course when he went in there the guy that was there (not the manager) said that he couldn't even get an application until the open interviews which they usually have on Friday (today is Friday)....oh but not this Friday. Come in on Monday and ask is what he told my son. They are so dumb there. My son will be the best worker they have I think, if they hire him.
He is being forced to get a job based on our situation, which is a good thing I think. That and the fact that his unemployment extension ran out and congress wouldn't approve another one for anyone. The republicans wanted all of these concessions and it seemed to me that they got them, but it wasn't good enough. Only 3 votes short! I know they are concerned about the deficit, aren't we all? But this is going to hurt so many people. I know more people who are being laid off right now and there are so many who now have no more unemployment. Losing homes, jobs, food stamp monies....what are people supposed to do? I know around my area we are in the double digits for unemployment and there are people turning to crime. Home invasions are up. Drug dealing is up. I just found out the other day that the house that I was living in that got foreclosed on, the one that was valued at $280,000 back in 2007, was sold the other day for $70,000.00. I didn't even pay that much for it when I bought it.
It's pretty bad....so don't be surprised if you see me on the street at some point if things don't get better soon.....just drop me a quarter or something ok? I promise I won't buy alcohol with it. lol
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