Why, oh why, do people think like this?

So today I was browsing the day's news on the internet, as I tend to do, and I was reading an article about David Carradine who died from auto-erotic-asphyxiation a year or so ago. Just for those who do not know what this is, it is
the practice of cutting off the blood supply to the brain through self-applied suffocation methods while masturbating. Now it is truly sad that his wife who was left behind has to deal with this, she loses her husband to something that maybe she had no idea he was in to. But one of the worst things to me, and I've heard it before, is the people (mainly men) who spout off on messages boards and say "well, if she was a good wife".....OMG! I cannot tell you how many times I have heard that. Seriously, I hear that all of the time about cheating husbands. That if only his wife had been a good wife he wouldn't go looking anywhere else. Please define "good wife" for me. Tiger Woods' wife looked like she was a good wife, beautiful, took care of her home and her children. I imagine that she took pretty good care of Tiger too. Same with Sandra Bullock. From all sources close to her and Jesse James it seems as though she was the "perfect wife". Now I don't believe in "perfect" anything. But I think blaming cheating on the spouse who was cheated on is a cop out. Not to mention the fact that research shows that men cheat for various reasons but one of the biggest is self-esteem issues. Oh, you may say, if she was a good wife he shouldn't have self-esteem issues. Let me tell you from personal experience I did anything and everything to make my husbands life a happy one. I built him up as much as one can do and not lie. I gave him pretty much every thing he ever asked for and did anything for him.  I was a W-O-M-A-N, I brought home the bacon, cooked it up in a pan, and never let him forget he was a man. But he STILL cheated. 

It is really funny that when a man cheats it's because he's not getting his "needs" met at home. When a woman cheats, she's a whore. Seems pretty unfair to me. When I think about my marriage, by the "good wife/husband..." standard I realize that I'm the one who SHOULD have been cheating because MY needs weren't being met and that is the truth in all it's painful reflection. The man was abusive and cruel. And as far as the bedroom goes, truth be told I didn't have even ONE orgasm the whole time I was with him. And that was for a lot of years. I mean it's no wonder...I cannot tell you how many times I'd say "ow, that hurts" because of something that he was doing or if he was being too rough and his response was "no, it doesn't". Really? It doesn't? When did he slip into my skin and was able to feel how I was feeling. Not to mention that if you have to ASK if your partner had an orgasm, chances are......nope. He may have asked, but he didn't really care what the answer was as long as he got what he wanted. But I never, ever made him feel bad about any of it. I was a very good partner. Too bad I didn't have a good partner myself when I was with him. 

You may think that this doesn't have anything to do with PTSD, but it does. When you have PTSD everything associated with the trauma can be triggered. I was in a long term marriage that was trauma filled. When you are married to an abuser, chances are you will suffer from PTSD. It doesn't have to be violent either to be traumatic. There are so many ways to be abused. Here is what an abusive relationship looks like courtesy of Michael J. Formica, a Social Scientist and Educator via "Psychology Today"...

"Well, it's not always about being slapped around. Abusive relationships come in all forms along with physical abuse - social abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse (we are not referring here to molestation), financial abuse, etc. Abuse is about a dynamic of extremes, domination and submission. It is about giving and withholding, also in the extreme."

  So think about that if you know someone who fits any of this parameters. Abuse is a ripe breeding ground for PTSD. I believe in trying to keep marriages together, especially if you have children. But if you are being abused and you have a partner who won't get help....then you need to walk away before you find YOURSELF writing a blog like this one....